BDSM Checklist

I created this list with the help of a few current lists available online as well as with the help of a few other Dominas.  It is not meant to be an exhaustive list of every kink/interest there are but a decent general list especially for those who want to see a professional...though I think this list can be used for personal play as well.

BDSM Check list 2024

Reflection by sub m - My very first session

Did you know it's never too late to start your BDSM journey?  Novice subs come in all genders, shapes, sizes and ages.  :-) The one common thing I do hear from new subs who start their journey later in life is that they wish they would have done it sooner.  I think the pandemic really taught us all not to waste time and make sure we are enjoying our life.

I look forward to helping more newbies on their BDSM journey.

Reflections from sub m:

"I had my first session ever and Mistress Lucy was an incredible guide. Prior to the session we had a very helpful conversation where she walked through some of the major differences between BDSM perceptions and reality. Still - words do not come close to the experience. During my session Mistress Lucy explained carefully what would happen and why (although there were eventually a few fun surprises). The focus on process and clear instruction helped me through any nervousness. 

Prior to my session I had read quite a bit in the reflection section about how Mistress Lucy can be both kind and thoughtful yet wonderfully sadistic. I agree - Sweetkill is a very apt name! To explain this dynamic I would compare the experience to working with an athletic trainer. If a trainer thinks you can do something but you’re not so sure or think it will be unpleasant, there can be some negotiation or wiggle room. If Mistress Lucy thinks you can do something you need to quickly accept that it is about to happen regardless of how uncomfortable it will be. In both cases it was always something you could handle and you’re better off for the experience of pushing your limits, but Mistress Lucy can push you faster and further than you thought which leads to a wonderful sense of accomplishment. I can’t wait to have another session and continue to discover my own abilities."

Erotic Art

I assigned a little writing task to My art loving submissive and asked him to choose an artist that made him feel connected to his kinks as well as an artist that he felt represented Me.

He wrote this wonderful art reflection:

Dear Mistress Lucy-

Thank You very much for assigning this task to me, I appreciate that You would think of an art element and I hope You enjoy my write-up. Part of why I remember important things to me is "art training" in conversation and lecture Q & A you have to remember and recall so many little details. For example, people ask about a specific year, a particular work, etc. It has trained my memory well over the years.

So without getting into an all-day lecture, here are some thoughts:

-My favorite artist with a bdsm slant is Nancy Grossman. She was ahead of her time and pushed boundaries in ways unseen before in mainstream art. My fav:










It's the struggle and the bondage element, I remember being really young and seeing the work and being like, wow that is something enticing! She started doing these in the 60's:

Nancy Grossman - Wikipedia

I also love her heads:










It was the first time I saw anything like this and was blown away. I remember seeing this captivating show:

Nancy Grossman at MoMA PS1 and Michael Rosenfeld Gallery - The New York Times (

These all remind me of my submission. The first time I saw the work it just hit me. It took years to figure out why I love the submission and struggle represented. The struggle is coming to terms with my thoughts and desires, something I could never discuss and come to terms with until recently. A painful struggle. That is why I'm so grateful to You for helping me better understand myself, which is something I could not have achieved anywhere else. I'll always be grateful. Always.

-There are so many thoughts about You, picking an artist or painting is difficult. But I do feel Leonora Carrington captures very much of Your essence. There is a deeper meaning here, spiritual in nature. Her significant work moved surrealism in a direction not seen prior, emphasizing the goddess and feminist elements. At the time it was revolutionary, a male dominated movement with a feminist bent was unseen. She believed in a goddess like form, dream like and controlling in life. Supernatural and all seeing.

I feel that You can see into others very well and Your power is undeniable. Carrington painted herself into her own work with the same ideals as the "white goddess." A central figure to be worshipped in her dreamy surrealist images. During their love affair, Max Ernst (one of the forerunners of surrealism) inspired her to represent herself and feminist elements in her works. As she moved forward, the idea of a feminine interpretation of surrealism was groundbreaking:






This is a great article about her feminization of surrealism:
In such a male dominated movement this was unheard of, many years ahead of female artists in this movement getting proper recognition.

Other brilliant paintings by her:
















Another great article about her:

Leonora Carrington, the surrealist storytelling genius you've never heard of - Los Angeles Times (

She represents who You are, the inner power and strength. Spiritual, knowledgeable and powerful in nature. There is a deeper meaning which You contain through years of learning, practicing and Your own self. Sometimes words can't explain, You need art to represent and push forward meaningful feelings / ideas. That is what art can do. And I can't express it all in words but I know the power of her work and spiritual nature resonates. And I know there are no words that I can write which contain all You are.

I will always end every email the same way but please know I can never express my gratitude adequately.

Thank You for everything,

Erotica: "Dr. Berlin" by sub d

This is a story about cuckold clean up and erotic humiliation. If that doesn't float your boat please don't read further.

Kelly was nervous about registering for the appointment. She had never seen a therapist before and felt a bit ashamed at the thought of seeing one now. She reminded herself that this was a healthy thing to do and she needed to figure out what was going on with her boyfriend Brad. She really wished she didn't have to go to the University's student clinic but she worried that her parents might get a bill or a statement if she used her health insurance given she was on her father's plan.

Kelly kept looking up at the clock. She had arrived 15 minutes early as requested. Registering had only taken a minute so now she fidgeted in the uncomfortable waiting room chair praying no-one she knew would see her. Fortunately, she didn't have to wait long. After a few minutes she heard her name and was taken to a nice office. Dr. Berlin greeted her warmly. Kelly was happy to see that Dr. Berlin appeared to be young. She had a nose piercing and a youthful manner. She guessed early 30's. Kelly was uncomfortable talking about sex and felt relieved that she didn't have to try to relay her issues to someone older than her mother. Dr Berlin was quite attractive but in an unconventional way. She was tall and slim. She wore a tight black turtleneck with a pencil skirt and 4 inch heels that accentuated her height. The outfit somehow seemed both modest and provocative.

They spent the first session becoming acquainted. Kelly told her that she was a freshman majoring in Poli Sci. She imagined going to law school but wasn't certain. The year had been great. She rushed and got into her favorite sorority where she had made a number of close friends. She also ran the 400 for the track team. She enjoyed her classes and was doing well academically. She met Brad early freshman year at a party. They hit it off immediately.

"He's so dreamy."

Kelly blushed, worried that she sounded like a starstruck fangirl but Dr. Berlin smiled and betrayed no judgment.

"I mean I still get goosebumps every time I see him... He's SO handsome, he treats me super well, he's a great athlete, does well in school, and even has a healthy relationship with his mom. I've never really been serious with anyone before and now I feel like I hit the jackpot! All my friends are so jealous. They'd freak if they knew I was here."

"So, why are you here?"

Kelly hesitated and then whispered, "sex."


"Sex." This time Kelly said it loud enough to be heard and Kelly noticed the subtle flair of Dr. Berlin's nostrils as she leaned forward.

"Great, I can assure you I can help you and we'll get you talking about sex more freely soon. We're almost out of time though. Let's pick up next week."

To finish the story:

Research and reflections by sub m

I have said this a million times, if you are new to BDSM and want to find a provider, do your research.  The more you learn about the provider you want to submit to, the better.  Doing your research is not just about making sure who you see is real and won't unintentionally harm you but it's a way to build connection and get to know your possible Domina.


“I remember sharing that how I see myself as a submissive has evolved over the years of play and experiences within this community. As a "baby" submissive I was thrilled to share detailed summaries and "reviews" of my sessions, especially after playing with someone new. It felt important to provide commentary so others could share in my experiences and perhaps my words could help them decide to plan a visit for themselves.

I thought that the most important piece was to share the activities, pleasure & emotions I experienced during the session so that others could see themselves where I was and long to be there too. When writing my reflection for our session I began by doing the same thing, I walked through our interaction re-living each moment in my mind and realized that my previous outline for reflections needed to be changed.

My experience with you was much more impactful and generated different emotions and feelings than I had before. Normally I have built mental connections between myself and a Dominant as we play over time. With you I felt as if there was already a connection because I spent a fair amount of time listening to you being interviewed on podcasts as well as the interviews you ran in on La Maison Da Rouge YouTube channel. Being exposed to you through this medium gave me a lot of insight as to who you are as a person and what submitting to you would be like. When we finally met and played for the first time, I was already comfortable with you and knew our chemistry and connection would be easy to form.

So this reflection brought me to another place, it brought me to a conclusion that the most important part of our session was not when we met in the dungeon setting, it was well before that while I was doing my "research" on you and trying to determine if I wanted to session. But it was not the typical session reviews that fill MaxFisch's bulletin board, it was your choice to share with us your views on kink and this community. It was the truthfulness of your interactions and conversations with other Female Dominants. It was the intimacy and commitment you showed towards your slave during the "Vice" interview. It was all of these things that were the best part of the session because they taught me who you were and allowed me the ability to let all of my defenses down and be where I needed to be when we met.”